My hopes for this update is so you can understand the way I am. I’m known to be very shy when it comes to sharing my life - I usually help others’ out with theirs. I’m known as the listener. I decided for you all to be the listeners...
Where have I been within the past year? I have been doing a lot of reflecting and re-organizing, that’s for sure. My outlook on my life has started to spin downward when I learned that another recession was about to happen. This started around March of 2008 - about 2 months before I graduated from DePaul. I was learning that a lot my friends were having trouble finding a job - let alone an interview. I knew I was going to be in big trouble because of the major that I was pursuing (Marketing) was the industry that gets cut first or down-sized within the business. In the coming months prior to graduation, I was buried in the stress of finding a job, completing my assignments (thanks senioritis, really), and a new health problem that arose in my life.
I never got that “first-job-out-college” feeling that freshly graduated students get when they get a job. What I did get is an understanding and frustration on how our economy works when it’s hurting because of backstabbers and cheaters. I must have applied to over 200 jobs throughout the months of April - August. I only got 10 phone calls and out of those 10 - only 6 phone interviews and 4 regular interviews. The responses that I got back from them were either “we found someone with a little more experience” (and I do mean a little more - by weeks in one case) or my favorite “we were going to hire you, but we closed the position because we ran out of money” (then why would you interview me in the first place?). Anyway, I was getting worried and running out of money - so I went out to find a part-time job. To my surprise - I could not get any part-time job. They were either already full or they would not take anymore applications. I learned that one of my Mom’s friends, who has a Phd in Psychology, and lost her job because of the economy, could not get a job at Target. From that point on - I felt miserable. Resume after resume, cover letter after cover letter, and contact after contact - I could not get a job.
My friends told me to move back home - but home is in Joliet. For those who know about Joliet - opportunity doesn’t knock over there. I didn’t want to move back home to live a job-less life (I did apply to jobs over there just in case, and yeah, no luck at all). I stood by my faith and decided to stay in Chicago - until at least my lease runs out in July of 09. Some of my friends called me stubborn and picky because of my job hunt. I was being picky at first - before I knew the economy was going to go down the drain. When I realized that opportunities were being handed-out by the handful - I knew I had to settle for any job.
Funds were running low and I did not want to take my parents’ money for granted. I started to feel bad and incompetent when my parents were giving me rent money and I was not returning on their investment with a job. I knew it was hard for them to come up with money when their hours at work were drastically downsized. I started to become depressed (more on that later) and was getting tired of living on credit cards. I had to max out two of my cards to pay some left-over tuition from DePaul (I just love their financial aid office), pay rent, and living expenses. I wasn’t that worried about maxing-out my cards because I knew that I was going to get job at that point in time. My optimism turned into a meek reality when I learned that my credit was getting f-ed up.
So much for that.
This past year has given my so many “lessons-learned”. I also got a crash-course on how life treats you unfairly. During my senior year of college, I started to become depressed. I could not sleep - I stood awake for about 3 days once without feeling tired and I could not find my motivation to live my life - DO NOT GET WORRIED - I was not thinking suicidal. What I mean by this is that I did not want to live my lifestyle anymore. I became sedentary and even more introverted then I was before. Let me be clear - being an introvert is not a bad thing at all - it is not a sign of being shut-out from the world - thats a stereotype. I’m just quieter and reserved when it comes to social situations. I just take a little more time to ease up to people - I’m very observant. And no, I am not a wall-flower - for those people who know me well - they know how I party - and I party hard. :-)
Those days were being lessened when I found myself not going to parties or gatherings because “I just did not feel like going”. I could not find that excitement in my life anymore. I missed a whole week of classes because of this. I did get help and insight from people at the University. I truly thank you for your help. I love you for that.
On top of that - I contracted a new disease. I started having severe stomach-pains and needed to go to a hospital when I woke up “bleeding” from my behind. My old roommate was kind enough to take me to the hospital in the middle of night. It was very scary. I have Ulcerative Colitis or UC - kind of like a form of IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome). The cause of this unknown - my doctor told me it just happens. But it triggered when I was facing a lot of stress in my life and when I ate bad pork. I have to take pills daily for the rest of my life - or until they find a cure - which will fortunately be in about 10 years time the way technology is advancing. My life was deteriorating because of this stress and colitis - I lost about a good 15 pounds because of this. That has been one my low-points in my life.
A few months later I started to become a bit jealous when some of my friends got jobs. I must have re-written my resume and cover letters over 20 times. What I regret is not going to a lot of networking opportunities. I tried to make some of them - but they were always in the suburbs and I could not find anyone to drive me up there. I started to become lazy and not care anymore. I just wanted to be financially stable. I know that money isn’t to the most important commodity in life - but this society requires it. I did dabble on the thought of joining a community group like Amate House, JVC/JVI and Peace Corps - but I wanted to pay off loans - at least a good chunk of them, soon. I did not want to see my parents stress out on taking more loans - especially for my brother and sister since they were getting ready to go to college.
As Fall approached, I decided to do something positive with my life. I got braces. I took advantage of my parents’ insurance before they kicked me off. My teeth bothered me ever since I learned to become self conscious of my image - like around 14 years old. I had very nice smile before I started puberty - somehow, puberty must have hated me and gave me a crooked smile. It wasn’t fun at all. I got teased at, got turned down, and just fell horrible about myself. My life changed a bit when I got my braces on - I felt a little more confident that I was going to the smile that I always wanted. On that note, braces suck. I didn’t realize that they were such a lady-chaser. I don’t mean that in a good way - my braces chased them away. Where are the good, non-judgmental people on this earth? I’ll just have to wait until they come off.
Fall and Winter passed by in a grueling pace. I started to get word of prospective jobs - and a couple more interviews later, I knew that I was going to get one. During that time, my family decided to go to Peru. I haven’t been there in about 13 going on 14 years. I wanted to go so bad, but the job hunt started to pick up. I baby-sat my home in Joliet for two weeks while they were gone. I wish I could reclaim those weeks back in my life. I didn’t get that job that I was so sure about. But you’re in Joliet, Dantee - relax for a bit. Joliet is a hellava city. You have to understand that Joliet is a commuter city. People go out of Joliet to work, eat, drink, and have fun. Joliet is just a place to go to sleep.
Upon returning back to Chicago, I knew that I had to rearrange my life. Back at home I did a lot of reflecting and came up with a Plan B - go back to school. It was the only logical thing to do. I was thinking of getting my Masters in International Marketing or go into Counseling. That thought has changed when I wanted to do something drastic - I decided to go to culinary school. My masters can wait - I wanted to so something different.
Cooking is my passion. I escaped reality when I was on the job hunt when I cooked. It was such a stress reliever for me. It helped me cope with my minor depression and rejection from life’s outcomes. I have thought about going to culinary school, but only when I had a job - as a hobby. I wanted to take a few classes here and there in the evenings just to keep my life interesting. I knew that if I wanted to turn my life around - I had to do something out of the ordinary. But with what money? You know, education is an expensive investment - but someone told me to keep going to school as long as life allows it. Yes, I am already in debt with over 70k in loans from DePaul, why not add another 40k to that? It seems illogical - but whatever - this opportunity will help me in the long run. Besides, a Bachelor’s in Marketing w/ a concentration in the Hispanic Marketplace and an Associates in Culinary Arts is a money maker for any restaurant and marketing firm.
Out of all the culinary schools in Chicago - I decided to go with Kendall College. I see them as an extension of DePaul’s values. They are socially responsible when it comes to dealing with food. The do their best to buy food from local farmers. They compost! They send their compost to the Chicago Community Garden - in return, they planted us a garden in front of the school for our use. They focus on the importance of leadership in students. I felt like I was at DePaul all over again - it was a great feeling. The faculty is amazing. They are enthusiastic and very helpful. The Chef-Instructors are legit - some of them are Master Bakers, were executive chefs at the Drake Hotel, the Signature Room, and one of them established the Corner Bakery’s in Chicago.
My life has changed for the better ever since I started school. I am finally doing something that I love. I don’t complain about going to classes - I look forward to them. I look forward to the bad days - it helps me shape my personality. I feel complete now that I am going to school.
I am currently working at Cuatro as a Culinary Intern. Cuatro it’s a Modern Latin/Nuevo Latino restaurant in the South Loop. The people over there are down to earth and I am learning lots of new skills every day. Since I am currently learning the recipes, the days are not boring and repetitive. Working on the line is such an adrenaline rush - It keeps me on my feet and I feel alive when I work on it. I am happy where I at in my life right now, but I don’t feel that I am living it to the fullest.
Getting my braces and going to culinary school are the first steps at transforming my life. I am glad that I did not get a job and kind of glad that I got Colitis (in some ways). It made realize that you have to go through downs in life in order to understand and appreciate what you have now. It made me stronger and resilient to life’s obstacles. It’s almost as if I got the better end of deal. Colitis made me realize that I have to get back into shape. I need to take care of my health a whole lot better. I “let go” of my weight and health when my apartment burned down in 2006 and when I was dumped from my first real relationship. It was hard for me to comprehend almost dying from a fire if I didn’t wake up and still trying to find the truth as to why I was dumped. I still don’t know to this day.
Ever since I found my new motivation in life - I started to move on from all stresses that I kept on my shoulders. I’m finally let go from the outcome of the job hunt, living with UC, the failed relationships and friendships that I’ve had over the years. Fr. Memo said that I am on the verge of transformation - I think I am starting to feel that. The journey to that transformation has proven to be very difficult though - but I am willing to continue on that track.
Prepare to see a new me in the coming years. I might be MIA for while because I am planning to go back the motherland - Peru - for long time. Ever since I can remember - I felt like myself - complete - worry free - the last time I was there.
Thanks for listening and donations are welcome and can me made to the following address:
JK, but really - if your heart lets you. (What a guilt trip, no?) Haha.
Dantee “d-star” Arias
P.S. Please venture out to Cuatro (2030 Wabash) and The Kendall College Dining Room (900 N. Branch) - $30 Prix Fixe meals at both - the best!
